I talk a lot about co-sleeping and bedsharing because I believe in it. Bedsharing has been a game-changer for our family and for so many others. But I also want to be really honest: bedsharing doesn’t solve every sleep issue. Just because you bedshare does not mean your baby or child will magically sleep through the night and have consistent, perfect sleep.
I got a comment recently on one of my posts that said, “Sleep regressions don’t happen when co-sleeping.” I know comments like these are well-meaning, coming from bedsharing advocates, and I love that people are advocating for babies and mothers being close at night. But, I get comments a lot similar to this, and I just have to say: it’s not true.
All three of my babies have bedshared with me, and all three have gone through sleep regressions. Or as I like to call them, sleep progressions, because it’s about brain growth and development, and these changes are positive. “Regressions” has a negative connotation, so I prefer to use the term “sleep progressions” because it has a more positive connotation and more accurately reflects what’s going on for your baby. They are progressing in development, not regressing!
I think there’s a well-meaning but overly simplified message in some pro-bedsharing circles that says, “If your baby isn’t sleeping, just put them in bed with you.” And look, sometimes that’s great advice. It often really does help. Being close to your baby can absolutely improve sleep for everyone. But it’s not always a magic fix. Bedsharing doesn’t erase all the reasons a baby might be struggling to sleep, if there are reasons other than baby just can’t handle the separation.
Some babies are restless even when they’re next to you. Some wake often. Some cry in their sleep. Some can’t settle easily. And it’s not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because there’s usually a reason. With my kids, it’s been things like airway issues, oral ties, reflux, food sensitivities, and more. And even while bedsharing, their sleep still became more restless or wakeful during certain developmental phases.
Bedsharing can absolutely support better sleep, especially if your baby has a hard time with separation or just needs that extra connection at night. But it’s not going to “cure” sleep if the root issue is something else- like a medical issue, or a developmental shift, or something in their environment. Sleep progressions still happen. Night wakings are still normal.
I think we have to be careful not to swing too far in either direction. One side says sleep training is the answer to everything. The other says bedsharing will fix it all. But real life is more nuanced than that. And when we tell parents that the solution is always bedsharing, it can actually leave the ones who are already bedsharing feeling hopeless. They’re doing all the “right” things, keeping their baby close, responding with connection. So why isn’t it working? The truth is, for a lot of families, it’s just not that simple. We need a middle-ground, realistic approach. One that recognizes that babies wake up for all sorts of reasons, some normal, some red flags, and that no single sleep method is going to be the solution to everything.
So yes, I’m here for normalizing bedsharing. I’m here for giving families confidence to follow their instincts and stay close to their babies at night. But I’m also here to say: if you’re already bedsharing and your baby is still waking a lot, you’re not doing anything wrong. It might be normal, or it might be something worth looking into.
If you’re not sure what’s normal and what’s not, I have a post on red flags to look out for in baby sleep. You can read that here. If you are in need of safe bedsharing information, make sure you check out this post.
Let’s stop trying to find the one right way to do sleep and start supporting families with honest, realistic information. That’s what actually helps them the most.
