Whether baby is getting enough sleep is a common concern of new parents. If you do any googling about infant sleep, it might appear that most babies just aren’t sleeping enough, and that as parents, it is our job to ensure they are sleeping more. Well, that’s partially true. It is our job to support and optimize our child’s sleep, but are most babies really sleep deprived?
The answer is no.
Most babies are actually getting enough sleep! In fact, in my experience, parents are often overestimating the amount of sleep their baby needs based on generic sleep schedules and charts they find online. This actually leads to more stress for parents and babies! So, let’s break this down a bit more to find out how much sleep your baby needs and how to tell whether they are getting enough sleep. But first, make sure you’ve downloaded this free guide to help you understand what normal infant sleep looks like in the first year of life.
How much sleep do babies need?
The amount of sleep a baby or child needs varies tremendously from child to child. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine has this to say about infant and child sleep needs:
- Infants 4 months to 12 months should sleep 12 to 16 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health.
- Children 1 to 2 years of age should sleep 11 to 14 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health.
- Children 3 to 5 years of age should sleep 10 to 13 hours per 24 hours (including naps) on a regular basis to promote optimal health.
- Children 6 to 12 years of age should sleep 9 to 12 hours per 24 hours on a regular basis to promote optimal health.
Note: infant sleep ranges for newborn age were not included due to a wide variety of normal sleep patterns.
You can see that the ranges listed above are quite large, and dependent on each unique child’s sleep needs. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your child can function well on either the low end or the high end of the range of sleep totals. Instead think of it as an average of how much sleep children usually need. Your child will likely fall somewhere within these ranges, but some children need more sleep and some need less sleep.
Think about this: you might have a 6 month old who only needs 12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. This might look like sleeping for 10 hours at night (interrupted stretches are totally normal) and napping for 2 hours during the day, or it could look like 9 hours of nighttime sleep with 3 hours of naps during the day. On the other hand, your friend could have a 6 month old who really needs closer to 16 hours of sleep per day for optimal health. This might look like 12 hours of nighttime sleep + 4 hours of naps. That’s a huge difference! Both of these scenarios for 6 month old sleep could be totally normal and appropriate, depending on the child. This is why it’s so important to not compare your child to another child. What matters most is that you are attuned to your child’s unique sleep needs and that you help support them to sleep the amount that their body needs.
How do you know how much sleep your child needs?
I really wish our babies were born with sleep instruction manuals with information about exactly how much sleep they need and other helpful tips for their unique personalities and temperaments. How amazing would that be?! But alas, we all know babies don’t come with instruction manuals. So, how do you determine how much sleep your child needs? It’s really about observing your child and how much they typically sleep in a 24 hour period. It can take time to learn your child’s sleep needs, but the good news is that if you pay attention to their tired cues and support them to sleep when they are tired, you usually don’t need to worry too much about whether they are getting enough sleep. Observing your child’s sleep patterns over time will give you some valuable clues.
Like I mentioned earlier, many parents actually have too high of expectations for how much their child should be sleeping. Not all babies are going to be able to sleep the 16 hours per day that is the high end of the sleep range for 4 to 12 month olds. Here are some clues you might be expecting too much sleep from your child (note that some of these can also be caused by other factors and sleep imbalances as well, so observing these in your child does not always mean you are expecting too much sleep from them):
- Consistent early rises: if your baby rises early (before 6 am) consistently, this could possibly mean that their bodies cannot sleep as long as you are expecting them to, and that there might be a sleep imbalance somewhere. I see this often when parents expect their baby to sleep from 7pm to 7am and take 3 or 4 hours worth of daytime naps. If your child only needs, say, 14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, they will not be able to sleep for a full 12 hours at night while taking 3-4 hours worth of naps, and their sleep schedule might need to be adjusted to reduce sleep expectations and allow for a schedule that works better for the family.
- Split nights: this is when baby is consistently awake for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night. The reasoning is the same as above for early rises. It might be that your child just doesn’t have enough sleep pressure or drive because their bodies cannot sleep for as long as is expected of them.
- Your child is “fighting” naps or bedtime, or doesn’t seem tired: This is pretty self-explanatory, but note that this also can often happen when a baby is overtired. Sleep is complicated! It’s a big puzzle, and we have to figure out all of the pieces and how they work together. But, particularly if your child is sleeping quite a bit, and you are dealing with some other sleep scheduling issues, this might be an indicator that you are asking for too much sleep from them.
With these factors, we always want to look at them in combination of a big picture view of what is happening with the child’s sleep as well as their mood throughout the day. Your child’s mood will give you an abundance of information about whether they are getting enough sleep.
How do you know if your child is getting enough sleep?
The most important factor to look at is your child’s mood and affect throughout the day. If your child is generally happy and seems well-rested, they are probably getting enough sleep, even if it’s less sleep than you think they need. You will likely know if your child truly is sleep deprived because they will often be very fussy and cranky. They will likely display signs of being overtired throughout the day, and their mood will be impacted. If you are not experiencing this with your child on a regular basis, they are likely getting enough sleep.
Remember, that some children just don’t sleep as much as others. I refer to these children as “low sleep needs” children. Having a low sleep needs child can feel really frustrating as well as isolating, especially if you are surrounded by other children who sleep more. It can be difficult to navigate unmet expectations of alone time or quality time with your significant other that parents would typically get while their child sleeps. Think about the parent whose child sleeps 16 hours during the day (that’s around 8 hours of free time during the day), versus the parent whose child only sleeps 12 hours during the day (that’s only 4 hours of free time during the day). That’s a huge difference! When you realize you have a low sleep needs child, It’s okay and normal to grieve those unmet expectations, and then it’s really important to accept your child’s sleep needs. Parent the child you have in front of you, not the child you wish you had. Your child is perfect the way they are, and it takes some effort to adjust expectations and accept that they just don’t sleep as much as you expected them too. But, accepting their unique sleep needs ultimately reduces stress for everyone, and reduced stress is conducive to sleep!
If you’d like holistic and responsive support with your child’s sleep, grab one of my comprehensive eCourses: The Infant Sleep Foundations eCourse or the Toddler Sleep Foundations eCourse. If you’d prefer 1:1 support, you can book a call or support package.
