When we talk about responsive parenting, a common misconception is that it means avoiding all tears, all the time. But the reality is, responsiveness isn’t about eliminating emotions—it’s about how we show up for our children in the midst of them. This is especially true when it comes to night weaning.
Tears Are Not the Enemy
Somewhere along the way, we’ve been conditioned to think that crying is always a problem to solve. That if our child is upset, we must be doing something wrong. But crying is a natural, healthy way for children to express themselves—especially during times of transition.
Night weaning is hard. It’s a change in something that has been a source of comfort and connection, sometimes for months or years. And big changes often come with big feelings. That doesn’t mean you’re harming your child. It doesn’t mean you’re failing at being “gentle.” It just means they’re human.
Responsive Doesn’t Mean Tear-Free
One of the biggest myths about night weaning is that a truly “gentle” approach means no crying at all. The truth? Whether or not there are tears has far more to do with your child’s temperament than your approach. Some kids adjust easily, while others will have big, loud feelings no matter how gradually and lovingly the process unfolds.
What matters isn’t whether they cry, but how we respond to their tears. Are we present? Are we offering comfort? Are we holding space for their emotions rather than shutting them down? That’s what makes night weaning responsive. Not the absence of tears, but the presence of support.
Some Kids Struggle More with Regulation
That said, some children—especially some toddlers—may struggle to regulate even with the presence and support of a calm caregiver. If your child becomes so dysregulated that they can’t seem to settle, even with your reassurance, it could be a sign that night weaning is bringing up deeper regulation challenges—or simply that they are not yet ready for this transition.
Some signs that your child may be experiencing more than just normal frustration or sadness include:
- Intense, prolonged meltdowns that don’t gradually settle with comfort
- Physical dysregulation (e.g., shaking, sweating, gagging, breath-holding)
- Inconsolability, even when being held or reassured
- Sensory-seeking or avoiding behaviors, such as extreme resistance to certain textures, sounds, or sensations at night
- Ongoing sleep struggles beyond night weaning, like an inability to settle even when not hungry
If you’re noticing these patterns, it may mean that your child has underlying sensory processing or regulation challenges that make transitions like night weaning extra difficult. In these cases, working with an occupational therapist (OT) who specializes in sensory processing can be incredibly helpful.
But sometimes, it’s simply an indication that your child isn’t developmentally ready to night wean yet. And that’s okay!Readiness varies from child to child, and forcing the process before they’re able to cope can make it harder for both of you. If you suspect this might be the case, you can always pause and try again later when they are more capable of handling the change.
It’s Not Respectful to Control Emotions
Another common belief is that keeping a child from crying is part of respecting them. But true respect doesn’t mean preventing emotions—it means making space for them.
If we go into night weaning hyper-focused on avoiding tears, we might actually become less responsive in the process.We might stretch things out longer than needed, waffle on boundaries, or send confusing messages in an effort to make the transition completely tear-free. But that’s not fair to our children. They deserve clarity, confidence, and the freedom to express their emotions without us trying to manage or suppress them.
The Goal is Support, Not Perfection
At the end of the day, night weaning is just like any other transition—it’s an adjustment. And adjustments can be hard. It’s okay for your child to struggle with it, and it’s okay for you to struggle too.
The goal isn’t to avoid all discomfort, but to be there through the discomfort. To remind your child that even when things change, you are still their safe place.
And that? That’s the heart of responsiveness. Not perfection. Not a tear-free process. Just being present, being loving, and allowing space for all the emotions that come with growing up.
Need More Support with Night Weaning?
If you’re navigating night weaning with a toddler and want more guidance, my Comprehensive Toddler Course dives deep into responsive strategies that honor both your child’s need for connection and your own need for rest. You’ll learn practical, developmentally appropriate approaches to night weaning that are tailored to your child’s temperament—without resorting to sleep training.
You don’t have to do this alone. Get the tools and confidence you need to navigate night weaning in a way that feels right for your family. Learn more and register now!
