I’ll be honest—play doesn’t come naturally to me.
I’m not the parent who loves pretend play or builds elaborate block towers or comes up with creative characters on the fly. If left to my own devices, I’d be pretty content skipping the pretend games altogether and just getting through the day as efficiently as possible.
But here’s the thing I keep learning over and over: play is one of the most powerful tools we have as parents.
It’s not just something fun or extra. It’s not a “nice to have.”
Play is how kids learn.
It’s how they connect.
It’s how they process big emotions and hard experiences that they don’t have words for yet.
And so—slowly, awkwardly, imperfectly—I’m trying to bring more of it into our days.
Not because I’m suddenly a playful parent by nature, but because I’m learning how much it matters.
What the Research Says About Play
There’s actually a ton of research that backs this up (which helped me take it more seriously, honestly—it’s not just me winging it!).
Play supports brain development, social-emotional growth, and stress regulation. One study in Pediatrics highlights how unstructured play supports problem-solving, creativity, and resilience in children, while also reducing anxiety and improving emotional regulation. (Ginsburg, 2007)
Pretend play, in particular, is linked to stronger emotion regulation skills. It helps kids express and work through feelings they may not be able to articulate—grief, fear, frustration, even trauma. (White et al., 2022)
And here’s something I hadn’t considered until recently: play helps me regulate, too.
One study noted that adult engagement in play with children can actually reduce parental stress and support emotional well-being. (Yogman et al., 2018)
In other words—play is good for all of us.
How I’m (Trying to) Bring More Play Into My Parenting
Let me be clear: I’m not doing this perfectly. Not even close.
I still get overwhelmed. I still default to barking orders or raising my voice when things feel chaotic. I still roll my eyes at certain types of play.
But here’s what I am trying to do, in this season:
1. One playful moment a day.
That’s my baseline goal. One time in the day when I intentionally bring in play to connect. It might be:
- Pretending the sock monster is coming and we need to “hide our toes!” while getting dressed.
- Racing to clean up toys before an imaginary volcano erupts.
- Speaking in a ridiculous accent while brushing teeth.
- Doing a dramatic slow-motion chase through the kitchen.
Just something small. One moment of connection that’s light and fun.
2. Using play when my kids are struggling.
If one of my kids is going through something big—like a transition, separation anxiety, or even just a hard morning—I try to think of a playful way to help them process it.
For example, when one of my children was struggling with interrupting, I introduced a “wait to talk” button (on the elbow), and made it a really cool and silly game.
3. Choosing play instead of reactivity (at least once a day).
This is a really hard one for me—but maybe the most impactful.
When I feel myself getting overwhelmed—when I want to shout, scold, or snap—I try to pause. Just once a day. And ask:
What would it look like to bring play into this moment instead?
Sometimes that looks like singing instructions instead of barking them.
Sometimes it means turning a power struggle into a silly game.
Sometimes it’s just making eye contact and doing something unexpected—like falling on the floor in pretend exhaustion—which almost always makes them laugh and resets the moment.
It doesn’t always work. But when it does, it completely shifts the energy in the room.
And the more I do it, the more my brain starts to go there naturally. It’s a habit I’m building—slowly, on purpose.
Following the Giggles
In Playful Parenting, Dr. Lawrence Cohen talks about the idea of “following the giggles.” That stuck with me.
Kids use laughter as a release valve. It’s how they connect, how they tell us, “Yes! This is working. This feels good.”
So instead of always trying to lead play, I’ve started following their lead more.
If they want me to get on the floor and be the baby lion, I try to say yes—just for a few minutes. If they start laughing hysterically over something totally bizarre, I lean in instead of shutting it down.
That’s where the connection is.
But What If You Don’t Feel Playful or Creative?
First of all, same. You’re not alone.
If play feels awkward or unnatural, here are a few gentle ways to make it feel more doable:
1. Steal your child’s ideas.
You don’t have to come up with anything! Just follow their lead. If they start a game or pretend something silly, go with it—even if it makes no sense. They don’t care if you get it “right.”
2. Use your voice or your body.
If full-on pretend play isn’t your thing, try silly voices, singing instructions, whispering dramatically, or even using exaggerated body movements (tiptoeing, crawling, pretending to fall over). It can turn a boring moment into something fun with almost no effort.
3. Turn routines into games.
Race to put on shoes. Pretend the toothbrush is a silly robot. Make a contest out of who can clean up the fastest. You’re already doing these things—you’re just wrapping them in a little play.
4. Keep it short.
Play doesn’t have to last forever. Even 2–3 minutes of playful connection can make a difference in how your child feels—and how you feel too.
5. Give yourself permission to try.
You don’t have to be “good” at play. There’s no scorecard. Just your presence, your willingness, your love. That’s what matters.
Final Thoughts
If you’re like me and play doesn’t come naturally, you’re not broken.
You’re not less connected. You don’t have to become someone you’re not.
But you can bring a little more play into your parenting—just one moment at a time.
Not perfectly. Not all day long.
Just intentionally, in small ways.
And over time, those moments add up. They build connection. They help our kids feel safe. They help us feel more grounded.
And honestly? They often make the hard moments a little lighter.
I’m still learning. Still growing. Still pausing mid-frustration and remembering, Oh yeah—I could try play here instead.
And when I do, it helps. Every single time.
If you need more bedtime related simple play ideas, check out this blog post for ideas! Need more connection ideas for bedtime? Grab The Connected Bedtime eGuide– now totally free when you enter the code FREE at checkout.
References
Ginsburg, K. R., & the Committee on Communications, & the Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health. (2007). The importance of play in promoting healthy child development and maintaining strong parent-child bonds. Pediatrics, 119(1), 182–191. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-2697
White, R. E., Yeomans-Maldonado, G., & Fantuzzo, J. (2022). Preschool pretend play and emotion regulation: A systematic review. Early Education and Development, 33(4), 635–651. https://doi.org/10.1080/21594937.2022.2152531
Yogman, M., Garner, A., Hutchinson, J., Hirsh-Pasek, K., & Golinkoff, R. M. (2018). The power of play: A pediatric role in enhancing development in young children. Pediatrics, 142(3), e20182058. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2058
