I hear it all the time: my 2 or 3 year old takes forever to fall asleep, and we are all so exhausted (and frustrated)!
Let’s walk through several of the most common reasons this happens and what you can do about it.
Too tired or not tired enough.
Your child might be too tired… or not tired enough. I see the latter often, especially with 2 and 3 year olds who are still taking long daytime naps. If this is the case, it’s likely that your child might need a later bedtime than you realize. Many 2 year olds won’t be able to both take a 2 hour nap and go to bed at 7pm. Until a child transitions away from taking a nap, it is normal for their bedtime to get increasingly later and later. Once they drop the nap, it will likely be significantly earlier. But until then… just accept that you can’t have both that wonderful long nap and a super early bedtime. Trust me, I wish we could have both!
A bid for connection
If your child is delaying bedtime, it might be a bid for connection. Is your child’s connection bucket filled? Oftentimes, children pull out all the stops in an attempt to get more closeness and connection with us. Make sure the hours leading up to bedtime are filled with lots of intentional, screen-free connection time. Similarly, make sure stress levels are managed so that bedtime is a peaceful and calm time. When parents are stressed, children are often also feeling stressed and may need even more coregulation and support to regulate prior to falling asleep. In The Connected Bedtime eGuide, I walk you through creating a connected bedtime routine with tons of strategies you can implement tonight to help fill your child’s connection bucket and reduce bedtime battles.
The environment isn’t ideal for sleep.
Check the environment; make sure the lights are dim an hour or two before bed and limit screens in the evening. Make sure the temperature is not too warm as this can make it more difficult to fall asleep. Ensure none of the typical bedtime routine activities are stimulating to your child (bath time is stimulating to many children, so if this is the case for your child, you might need to move bath to another time of day.)
Some children just need extra time to calm their nervous systems prior to bedtime.
Add in some rough and tumble play an hour or so before bed, and then heavy work (animal crawls, deep pressure massage, pushing/pulling objects, etc) into the bedtime routine to see if this helps. I also really love Earthley’s Good Night magnesium lotion for helping children (and adults) relax. Their Sleepy Time Herbal extract is also great- it’s a mixture of relaxation promoting herbs that can be helpful for relaxing the nervous system.
If nothing else works, it’s possible your child is just extra sensitive and needs a longer wind down period. In this case, I recommend accepting it, planning for it, and making bedtime a bit longer. Note: This was totally my daughter when she was 2-3. She grew out of it! Now, she only needs a 20-30 minute bedtime before falling asleep, whereas when she was a toddler, she needed about an hour or more. Hang in there!
This list is not all inclusive, but can provide you some insight and strategies to make bedtime a little shorter. Of course, there are so many factors that impact sleep, so if you find yourself needing some more support, check out Toddler Sleep Foundations: Attachment-Focused Transitions. This course will walk you through all of the nitty gritty, practical details that you just can’t figure out about your toddler’s sleep.
